When I was delivering Oscar I had a moment of extreme pain. It was brief, but it was a brand of pain I've never felt before. The nurse must have seen it register in me because she looked me dead in my eyes and said,"this is the hardest it gets, right here, right now.just move past it."
That advice has been echoing in my head ever since. We are dealing with Nico and his behavioral issues and it feels so painful. I want to hear so desperately that this time is the worst and that it's all smooth sailing from here on out.
We now know that Nico has sensory issues. Which is to say, we now know nothing. Talk about a confusing diagnosis. I am bewildered by the lack of information and support. It feels like a big guessing game.
I find myself worried day and night for my boy. I'd give my house up for a peek into the future to rest assured that everything will work out. To know that Nico will be a happy healthy man one day.
Today alone I researched homeopathy, energy work, acupuncture, herbs, food allergies, occupational therapies... I keep hoping I'll find something that will be a magic bullet. Or that I'll run into an anecdotal story that holds the key to something that will work for us.
Even though the nurse encouraged me to push in the delivery room, perhaps all I really need to do now is breathe.
Nico showing off a roly-poly he found.
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